Saturday, 4 January 2014

Dealing with Net Haters

This is my number 100 blog-post :)
So, I'm starting to get known on the Internet, and I want to dedicate this post to something more serious, but very important.

As soon as you poke your head out, of course everyone is going to have something to say about it.

People can be very rude and unjust, and have very little empathy for your feelings.

This may happen within the community as well, I have heard about girls being poked at in Lolita or Gyaru or other Japanese substyle communities for "not looking the part", aka falling short from a very narrow cookie-cut shape that some ignorant person has decided.

You always have to remember that we have laws against harassing, sexual pressure, bullying or black-mailing - if you are subject to continuous net-hate, take screen-shots of the messages, gather evidence against the person who is harassing you and then GO TO THE POLICE. 
If you are bullied in school, talk to an adult that you trust - 'cause you do not have to take that!

If the harassing is non-specific, from people who you don't know personally and it is an occasional snide remark from someone anonymous, here are my best tips for dealing with it:

1) Acceptance.
This is actually a very important step. You have to realise that "haters gonna hate". 
You can't change them, there will always be some shallow prick out there on the Internet, just preying on the moment when he/she can tear someone elses' life apart. 

The only thing that you CAN change, is how YOU handle the situation.
Are you gonna let those rude comments seep in under your skin?
Are you going to take complete strangers words for true?
That's up to you.

2) Dealing with it.
Step 1: If you stumble across a rude comment, delete it straight away. Don't even finish reading it! (It really isn't worth it :) 
If you feel that the vibes are negative - just *click, click* and it's gone!
That way you don't have to get upset at all.

Step 2: If you accidentally read it - remember it's not actually for real ;) It's just some words on the Internet! How real is the Internet?
Can you touch it? No. 
I mean, if you had met this dimwit person face to face,
they would probably never have said the things that they wrote to you.
So, this means that their little brain-diarrhoea on your wall is just that,
a diarrhoea 
- A nasty internet stomach-flu -
which if you're not careful - will contaminate you.

So remember, it isn't real:
They do not know who you truly are,
they do not understand how you react to their words,
they are not thinking carefully about what they are writing,
- this all means that it's just a stupid person writing stupid stuff

3) Remembering all the good remarks and comments!
I know, one bad comment can ruin a hundred nice comments
- isn't that weird?
So I thought of a nice way to keep those beautiful comments at hand
when you feel upset because of a negative comment
- save them!
Print them out and make a scrap-book
or gather them in a binder.

I remember this great exercise we did at school:
Everyone had a piece of paper stuck to their back.

Now, we all walked around in the class room,
writing something nice about our classmate on their piece of paper.

Everyone wrote something on everyones' back.
Long or short, it didn't matter - just something that you liked about them.

When we all were finished,
we could take off the paper from our backs and read the nice comments...

This was so great!
I taped up the piece of paper on the inside of my locker door
and whenever I felt down or useless,
I just gave those kind words from all my friends,
my class-mates and frenemies a quick glance
- and it always made me remember that I am worth something :)
I am me.

You could do this exercise with your friends and family,
but I think it is important that you do it with actual people
that you meet in your actual life (IRL so to speak ;)
not people from the net.

'Cause your true friends and family can write down things
that really are you,
and I think those comments will stick around longer
than the shallow net comments,
like "nice hair" or "love your outfit"
- even though those comments are sweet,
they could apply to so many persons -

If you really want to know what YOU are worth,
get someone to say nice things that REALLY apply to YOU.

Don't forget ^^ Friendship IS magic! :D

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